i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
