we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
