Whod you bang
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need water and some morals
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
