So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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