I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
