I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
