drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
