Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
