tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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