yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
