Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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