Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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