I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
