I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize