you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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