She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
