90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sobbing to NWA
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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