Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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