Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
