Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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