just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
