shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its not stalking. its research.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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