I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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