Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
