I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
