So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
