i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
