dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
