Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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