I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
