If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
