here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize