dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
