Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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