I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
