the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
