I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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