if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
