Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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