Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
