WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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