I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
