Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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