The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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