You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They have beer where we have blood.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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