Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish there were birth control emojis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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