My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
