U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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