11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
