trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
