I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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