ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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