So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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