We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
