Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize