I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
