I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
