people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
