evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
