please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
