They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
