Say something about gay babies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
