Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
