it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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