is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
