Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
