Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
